Category: We Do Family Different

Mothers Day Giveaway!

 

Mothers Day Giveaway with Color Street by Natalie Gorrell

Mothers Day Giveaway with Color Street Nails! This week I am honoring all the hard working mamas who are out there killing it! You are doing an amazing job raising your kids, keeping them honest, midnight feedings, doing the laundry, washing the dishes, multiple school runs, sports activities, meal plans and… darn it!! You just chipped a nail!

No worries my friend. We got your back! Color Street Stylist Natalie Gorrell and I are teaming up to do a fantastic Mothers Day giveaway! Here is how you can enter to win:

Mothers Day Giveaway:

A signed copy of Tired Mamas Pray +

A Set of Color Street Nail items, Bookmark, and more…!

Hint 1: Watch the Facebook Live Interview where I will be a guest speaker on Natalie’s Color Street VIP Group this Tuesday, May 3rd at 11am PT/1pm CT. To watch this interview join Natalie’s FB group!

Hint 2: There will be a Website Scavenger Hunt right here on www.LeslieNCrouse.com on Wednesday, May 4th, at 10 am PT/12 pm CT

 Hint 3: Thursday will the last chance to earn an entry in the giveaway posted Friday, May 6th at 5 am PT/7 am CT

 WINNER: We will announce the lucky winner this Friday, May 6th at noon PT/2 pm CT

Happy Mothers Day!

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children call her blessed… charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. – Proverbs 31:27-30 ESV

Celebrate Mothers Day BOGO 50% OFF

Tired Mamas Pray Book Signing

BOGO 50% Off Event in celebration of Mothers Day!

Celebrate Mothers Day by giving her a signed copy of Tired Mamas Pray BOGO 50% Off!

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Parenting Sibling Rejection

“But I want to play with you!” “No! Only Esther and Tess are allowed to play!”

Some wounds from childhood cut deep enough to stay with us for decades. Rejection is leaves scars and warps identity and relationships.

If it’s not fun for one, the game is done.

When I see our children playing at the expense of sibling, I immediately remind them of their identity. “We are Crouses. We work together. Play together. Love each other. When we fight, we forgive each other. And no matter where we are, or who we are with, our brothers and sisters will always be our best friends and welcome to join in.” It requires frequent reminders. But, I have seen it play out heartachingly beautifully. 

Train them up in God’s love. In school, playground can often be hurtful battlegrounds. But if a sibling is in view, there should be a sense of refuge there. A safe place to run an be accepted. “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” – Proverbs 17:17

Rejection and rivalry wrecks havoc in our homes. As parents, we often pick our battles. I believe, this should be one of them that we as parents should fight tirelessly. The wounds of rejection grow to beliefs about personal value and love. It changes the way we see ourselves. For a child it becomes a part of the fabric of his or her identity and can warp their relationships far into the future, leaking from the home into our churches and our society as well.

God’s family is full of people from different backgrounds, languages, cultures and values and he bonds them together in the unity of love. When it comes to the blended and diverse families, there is none larger than the family of God. We find in His word the key to bringing our family into unity. He even made it into a family creed:

“There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” – Ephesians 4:4

What is your family creed that binds you together? When divisions arise and the spirit of Rejection steals into your home, do you have a truth you speak over your children to keep them rooted and grounded in love? If you need a few ideas, here are several great places to look: Read Ephesians 4:1-16, 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 and pray Ephesians 3:14-19.

Ephesians 3:17-19

Father, give my family a spirit of unity and love. Lead us to be “rooted and grounded in love” that we may all  know “with strength to comprehend…what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge.” Let your love permeate and define our family so that rejection and division have no place in our home.

Why We Don’t Celebrate Halloween

Last week my kindergartner was asked what she will be for Halloween. She said, “We don’t celebrate Halloween.” Her sweet friend then exclaimed, “WHAT? You don’t love Jesus?!” 

Friends, the American church has major problems if our children think Halloween is about Jesus. It never was and it never will be.

Light and Darkness

Every Fall I find myself sitting around a table discussing a shared love: God’s Word. And as October 31 approaches, new Christians and long time believers inevitably discuss Halloween. My heart sinks as the new believer sits in shock as someone speaks about their Halloween plans.

“You celebrate Halloween? I thought Christians didn’t do that?”

I watch as the new believer scrambles to reconcile Halloween’s evil, death, fear, murder, mutilation, and sexual perversion with their new life in Jesus: God’s love, truth, redemption, gentleness, peace and light, set free from sin and death by choosing Jesus and leaving the old behind. Can the two coexist?

Nervous looks pass around the table as people feel called out by the crystal clear perspective of a newbie. It’s a viable question as old as the city of Corinth.

For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Satan? – 2 Corinthians 6:14-15

Parenting Discernment

Discerning truth is becoming harder in today’s world. We live in a culture that celebrates the many shades of grey. As Christian parents we need to teach our children how to discern light from darkness, truth from lie, good from evil and how to be the arrow that points people to God. By participating in Halloween we build a friendship with the unholy that hinders our discernment and befuddles our purpose.

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” – 1 Peter 2:9 … “[Priests] are to teach my people the difference between the holy and the common and show them how to distinguish between the unclean and the clean.” – Ezekiel 44:23

If we want to raise our children to hear the voice of the Lord, we must teach them how to keep their hearts pure and untainted by the world.

Satan is ruthless and he is after our children. Fear is a high ranking spirit in the kingdom of darkness and the devastation is more widespread than most suspect. We must guard our hearts and minds and train up our children in the ways of the Lord. Why would I willingly hand them over to the demonic spirit of Fear? Are we willing to compromise our inheritance, our new life in Jesus, our children’s inheritance in Jesus, for a bag of candy? God forbid. At least Esau was starving when he tossed his inheritance aside for a legit bowl of soup.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23

FOMO

Speaking of fear, many participate in Halloween because they fear their kids will rebel later if they miss out. Don’t make decisions out of a spirit of fear. Some of the worst decisions sprout from FOMO or the fear of missing out. It is our aim to teach our children how to overcome this weakness of human nature and not be a slave to fear – of any kind. We are creative, independent thinkers. Not governed by FOMO. And when they are old enough to make these choices for themselves, each child will have a spirit that is honed with the sensitivity they need to discern the holy from the profane.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ – Philippians 1:9-10

A Witness for Christ

I have more honest conversations with people about why we do not celebrate Halloween than at any other time of year. It is the mark of Christ that separates us from the world. Frankly speaking, I find nothing in Halloween worthy of my time, honor, worship, attention, money or recognition. We believe in life, truth, hope, forgiveness, healing, deliverance and all things that are honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, and noble. We do things that ignite God’s love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Teaching children how to stand apart from the crowd is a powerful lesson all children need.

Choosing Christ will be their own decision, but our children need never be a victim of group think. Give your children the powerful gift of knowing what it looks like to stand firm in convictions and make sacrifices for them. If you seek an opportunity to be a witness to the love of God, I urge you to separate your family from the Halloween world. Be ready with an answer when they ask why.

Praying Scripture

Father, help us to “honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks [us] for a reason for the hope that is in [our hearts]; yet [help us] do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when [we] are slandered, those who revile [our] good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil. – 1 Peter 3:15-17

Community at Home

Social distancing means the community that was once outside the walls of our home, is now entirely within. This brings us closer as a family physically and relationally, but exposes weaknesses as well. What to do with them?

If there was ever a time to recognize the issues in a family, now is it. They tend to be glaringly obvious when you spend hours, days and weeks on end together. Much like Dr. Seuss’s There’s a Wocket in My Pocket, our issues tend to pop up around every corner of the home in all shapes and sizes.

How easy it is to brush aside our selfishness, our offenses, our laziness and our brokenness when life moves along at a nice little clip. When the only time we are faced with them is a few hours at night before we crash into our pillow vowing to deal with it all on the morrow. But, we are not Scarlett O’Hara and we cannot think about that tomorrow when yesterday, today and tomorrow are all endlessly blending together in a long drawn out display of: us.

Daunting? Actually, this is a good thing. Issues swept aside take root, bear fruit and spread their ruinous seed everywhere. However, this “stay at home” order is just the thing to shine a spotlight right on those hidden issues. It is a brilliant opportunity for God to do some pruning and cultivation. And His snippers are ready.

Below I will add a few of my favorite resources for family development and I would love it if you added your’s to the comments as well. Let’s give our home life our undivided attention. In the words of Wendy Speake,

“A double-minded man cannot wield a double-edged sword.”

If we long to see victory, lets not push the dirt aside any longer or look for an easy way out. Let’s allow God to use our weaknesses as a chance to display His miraculous power.

He is after all our: Defender, Restorer, Provider, Healer, Peace and Joy.

Read John 15:1-12, Romans 12:2 and pray Psalm 139:23-24.

Psalm 139:23-24

Father, I offer my heart to you for pruning. “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Shine your light into our family, and remove any grievous ways in us.

Additional Resources:

  • Holy Bible – This isn’t lip service. It’s a living sword and God has placed His power in it to convict and reveal those hidden things. We aren’t going to make any real progress without it.
  • Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions with Gentle Biblical Responses by Wendy Speake and Amber Lia (So practical. I have read and reread this book.)
  • Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay
  • The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman (This is classically for marriage. I find it is applicable to kids as well. They do have a child-focused version of this book but I have not read it.)
  • Contact a christian family counseling service if you need to. They are open, and they are there to help you find wholeness.

Quarantine…Gift or Torture?

At home with your family? Isolated from friends and community? Actually, God designed family to be the epitome of communal strength and enduring relationship. Family can do more than offset the isolation of social distancing; if you let it. You know, those people you live with that are driving you crazy? Those are your people.

These are the relationships that continue far beyond Covid-19 and they will be the ones you share all the memories with in thirty years about what happened when you ran out of toilet paper and how a state representative told people to use a blow dryer to heat up their nose to keep from getting sick. You’ll probably be telling the next generation too.

Here’s a raw truth: isolation is detrimental. Isolation leaves us at the mercy of our own dark and deceitful heart and – heaven forbid – the news channels. The enemy has free reign to twist and manipulate our thoughts and memories when no one is there to be a sounding board of truth; no one to keep us grounded. The downward spiral is swift.

According to Psychology Today, individuals placed in solitary confinement experience “perceptual disturbances, hallucinations, and derealisation experiences; affective disturbances, such as anxiety and panic attacks; difficulties with thinking, memory and concentration, the emergence of fantasies such as revenge… paranoia,” and so on.

But you aren’t in solitary confinement. You are quarantined at home with your family. While you would probably appreciate some personal space right about now, consider this a blessing and this moment a gift.

God places family and community at the forefront of our list of priorities. We are called to live in community with each other and not give up meeting together. The bond of meeting together, sharing struggles, meals, joys and sorrows is the essence of life and needs to be the center of every family.

We can become so busy pouring into the outer ring of community such as work, bible studies, church, and other various ministries and hobbies that we neglect to nurture the greatest (and most immediate) community God has given us: family. This is a special time in history when we can dive into that bond and nurture the parched branches of our marriages, children, brothers and sisters.

Read 1 Corinthians 12:12-26, Matthew 18:21-22, 19:3-6, 1 Timothy 23:2-5 and pray Hebrews 10:24-25.

As we strive to do family God’s way, consider the verses above and compare how God instructs His family (the Church) to interact and the way your family interacts. What are some of the differences? Similarities? What can you do different? What do you do well?

What is something you can do right now to take advantage of this time and strengthen the bond of your family?

Hebrews 10:24-25

Lord, during this quarantine, help our family to become more like yours by considering, “how to stir up one another to love and good works.” And when it is over, “not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but [to continue] encouraging one another.”

Sibling Rivalry and Squabbles

Are the kids fighting all the time? Being cooped up in the house together can cause a few… shall we call them disagreements? Children fight for their place in the proverbial pecking order by continually cutting each other down and demonstrating their strength over one another. Be it physical, emotional or intellectual this childhood struggle is the source of the many scars we wear today as adults.

However, we are called to defy this natural tendency, to give comfort when we see a family member down. Nature may push us towards self-promotion and self-preservation but God calls us to do family different.

When our children struggle we correct them and then invite them to come near and find comfort and consolation. When it comes to siblings, we teach our children to come alongside and build each other up. Never do we celebrate their loss, nor puff up our pride at their fatigue or grief.

As parents we often find ourselves delivering justice and sorting through the mess of hurt feelings and broken pride. It is an opportunity to correct one while having the other say something to bring comfort or consolation.

We are shaping hearts here. Perhaps some reflective time is needed before true comfort can find its way through. Walk your son or daughter through their feelings. Appreciating and maintaining justice is good, but celebrating someone else’s set back is an issue of the heart that also needs shaping.

By asking the offended party to respond to the apology with comfort and grace, we are training our children to be full of compassion and restoration. We are also preventing shame and condemnation from creeping in. There is no shame or condemnation in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Read 2 Corinthians1:3-4, Romans 8:1 and pray 2 Corinthians 2:6-8.

2 Corinthians 2:7-8

Jesus, teach our family to “turn to forgive and comfort” each other so that no one “may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.” Let us always “reaffirm [our] love for him [or her].”

COVID-19 and Community

Birthday parties and play dates are canceled.  Church services, bible studies, small groups and ministry meetings are canceled. Cities have passed laws that forbid groups larger than 50 to meet with a penalty of $1,000 and six months in jail.

This is to say nothing of supplies. Fearing the unknown people have stripped the previously plentiful shelves. What is our response to be in a time of turmoil and fear? How do we continue to live in community when we are limited to no more than a few?

The same way we were always meant to live in community. We do family different. We do not back away from need and we do not live isolated lives of fear. We can be respectful to our local and national leaders, but we need not resort to fear based hoarding and animalistic behavior.

We do not abandon each other. We are called to fellowship and community. We stay connected and encourage each other. The first century church was more susceptible to sickness and disease than we are today and we now have the help of unprecedented technology.  

When our structure shifts, return to the basics. The first century church practices revolved around community. They were not all about self-preservation and self-promotion. In contrast, they trusted the Lord to provide all their needs and they rested in His peace. We have the perfect opportunity to teach these same community-centered values to our children. Children grow to mirror and repeat our own responses to times of stress and trial.  

As Christ followers, we are called to be fearless. We are the hands and feet of Jesus, God’s answer to a broken world. Acts 2:42-47 is a powerful call to action. They met in small groups then and we can meet in small home-based groups too. They ministered, shared, provided for needs, prayed for miracles and God was with them in a powerful way. We can too.

If we truly believe God has all authority over sickness and disease, if we really do believe our days are ordained and written in His heavenly books before we are born, if we believe he has the power to heal… our actions need to reflect it to our neighbors and our children. Let’s raise our children to be powerful witnesses in their community, beacons of hope in times of peace and trouble. Sharing resources, praying for the sick, believing God to be our shield and hiding place.

Read Matthew 6:25-34, Psalm 91 and Acts 2:42-27.

Be sure to join our KidsTalk Friday this Friday at 2:00pm on our Facebook page as we discover what to say to our kids about COVID-19 and some practical things we can do with our families.

Acts 2:42, 45

Father, show us how to be good neighbors in times of trouble. Help us devote ourselves to your “teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.” Give us a spirit of generosity and sacrifice by giving us wisdom in, “selling [our] possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any [has] need.”  

Be the Change: Using Healthy Boundaries

We forgive and we restore. But what if the person continues the same hurtful things as before? We are called for forgive, but not live painful patterns. Be wise and use boundaries.

Isaiah 51 shows God’s heart for healthy relationship. The story’s backdrop is how God’s people repeatedly dishonored their relationship with Him. Therefore, God put boundaries in place and distanced Himself removing His protection from them. As a result, Israel’s enemies found victory over them and misused them badly. Did God revel in their defeat? No. Despite the boundaries, God still loved them and had compassion on them when they repented. It angered Him to see someone misuse His people.  Read the conclusion of this story:

This is what your Sovereign LORD says, your God, who defends his people:

“See, I have taken out of your hand the cup that made you stagger; from that cup, the goblet of my wrath, you will never drink again. I will put it into the hands of your tormentors, who said to you, ‘Fall prostrate that we may walk on you.’ And you made your back like the ground, like a street to be walked on.” – Isaiah 51:22-23 NIV

Ever feel like you have been walked all over? Like your back is a street someone keeps trampling? God becomes angry when his people are walked upon.

As Christians, we are called to forgive but we are not called to be in unhealthy relationships. When Israel misused Him, He distanced himself until they found repentance. He loved them. He had compassion toward them, but there were boundaries in place until something changed. We handle our relationships the same.

Any relationship of duration will have bumps along the way. But, if someone is dishonoring your relationship through repeated offenses consider placing boundaries. Especially for family members. Family patterns and roles have some strength to them, but you can be the change.

Boundaries are not walls erected out of fear, nor are they a product of punishment and anger. We forgive. We love. We are compassionate. We are strong. We use boundaries while the steps for forgiveness and restoration play out.

It may take time to build the bridge and restore that relationship. God empowers us to make and maintain healthy boundaries so that we do not become misused or a street trodden upon.

Healthy boundaries become the change agent. When we take a loving stand and place a healthy boundary, the purpose is to initiate change. Remember the steps to restoration? Confront, forgive and then make clear the new standard. This is where boundaries come in. If you can hold the line, without backing down, you will usually see change.

If that person loves you they will not want to hurt you. The hurtful behavior stops because they long for restoration. If they do not, then it is not a relationship you need to be deeply involved in. Protect yourself and your children or grandchildren by using healthy boundaries. Our children learn from our relationships and will either grow to have healthy ones or mimic our unhealthy patterns. Raise them to be loving, forgiving and strong.

Read Isaiah 51:22-23, Proverbs 9:8 and pray Proverbs 13:20.

Proverbs 13:20

Father, help me discern my relationships and to teach my children to be wise. For, ” Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”

Build the Bridge

Restoring may be harder than forgiving. Forgiveness is hard enough, restoration can feel like we are inviting heartbreak all over again.

Sin always causes a great divide. Jesus came to heal the pain and bridge the divide. So when someone in our family fails and we find ourselves on different sides of a canyon, we must build a bridge.

Restore means to “to repair, to complete thoroughly, mend, perfect, perfectly joined together.” [i] If the family unit is to endure and relationships to last, we must restore each relationship. One side offers repentance the other forgiveness and the bridge between is restoration. We must seek ways to mend the relationship returning it to being perfectly joined together again.

Restoration begins once repentance is made. Encourage the family to find ways to restore the person back to their place. A person needs a way back to their original relationship, responsibility and role. We cannot demote and belittle in an effort to punish. We restore. We build bridges.

Faith, Hope and Love entwine to invite God’s ability to restore the family. When we work through our issues and find restoration we develop a stronger bond that is seasoned and refined by fire.

As parents and grandparents we are tasked with helping our young children grow in this healing process. When our kids and grandkids grow to adults it becomes harder as the wounds go deeper and the divide larger. Establish this process now. Teach them to find a way back. To build the bridge.

Pay close attention to relational cues between siblings and even parent-child relationships. Red flags include avoidance, shaming, name calling, exclusion, anger and silence. Some arguments can resolve themselves, but for the most part the process of restoration does not come naturally. It is taught and it is hands on so roll up those sleeves my friend.

Read 2 Corinthians 2:6-11, James 5:16, John 21:15-19 and pray Galatians 6:1.

Galatians 6:1

Father, “if someone [in our family] is caught in a sin,” help us to, “live by the Spirit [and] …restore that person gently.” Teach us to, “watch [ourselves], or [we] also may be tempted.”

[i] Strongs’ Exhaustive Concordance